We all belong here.

Loneliness doesn’t always arrive loudly.
It moves in quietly, settling in the cracks grief leaves behind.
It found me after I lost my grandmother - in the stillness of rooms that once felt full.
It followed me to university, where crowds buzzed around me and I floated outside of it all. For me, loneliness lives inside transitions - the spaces between what was and what is. It’s not just the absence of people, but the immense weight of memories.
And yet, even in its heaviness, loneliness reminds me:
How lucky am I to have loved someone and something so much to feel the loss of it all.

When moving schools, suburbs, sports clubs, and being placed into a completely new environment, it can take time to figure things out on how to move forward and that everything is falling apart, however with time we realise that we have everything we need and everything was just waiting to align and fall into place for us. The Paradox of Purpose
Perhaps a directionless existence indeed, however simply temporarily,
Like the struggle that remains until one’s character is finally changed,
Until the right door is found and the keys are correctly rearranged,
And everything is back once again to how it was originally placed

In the liminal space between conscious and unconscious, I think of the wind. The air. They are everywhere but nowhere, just like me. Forever doomed to be stateless in the sky, suspended between countries, I belong to neither and both. On land, there are always questions. Always the ardour of translation, from the flat staccato of the Australian accent of my surroundings, to the soft aspirations of Hindi, my mother-tongue, transformed into my choppy spoken English. Each explanation of my relocation feels like a border, two boundaries that I am hopelessly caught in between.

Alone between these two barricades, unable to find true connection.

i had finished highschool
covid hit
i managed to finish my university degree
i didn't get into my postgraduate course
i started to question why i even wanted to pursue my career pathway
whether i was even the person who wanted to
i wasn't
my parents were disappointed in me
an who i'd become
everything started becoming a pursuit of why i'd failed
why i didn't achieve what i was meant to
my siblings were all fine, pursuing what they'd 'set out to'
their partners
my friends
my partner
no one else was experiencing this
disappointment
frustration
loneliness
i didn't know what to do with myself
who i was
what i was meant to do
it was lonely, being in that world
i wasn't able to fulfill the wishes of the worlds i'd been in
the worlds i were meant to be in
instead
i had to navigate my own world
find my own world
with time, loneliness slowly welcomed time alone
and now im building
upon my own world
my people, my purpose