We all belong here.

These are the most significant experiences in my life where I have felt lonely. So the top left corner is about siblings that have big age gaps, my eldest brother and sister are 9 and 12 years older than me. When I was 14 I had some issues with a parent and they didn’t understand how much it was affecting me because they weren’t living in it. They both had their own lives and one lived in another state, and the other had a kid and a house. I feel like they should have stuck up for me a bit more.

The next one (Top right) is pretty recent – I have started to feel a lot better lately in terms of mental health, and theres this grief, when you realise how much that has taken from you – missed experiences, opportunities, the things you could have done or achieved if you didn’t have depression or anxiety.

(Bottom left) having a rocky relationship with my mum can be isolating and exhausting when you have to be the parent – especially when you look around and your friends or peers get to be an early 20s person with their own life.

Bottom right feeling different from the rest or not like you fit anywhere my mum is white Australian, and my dad is African American. My black side is what I feel more connected to, but because I look a certain way (I have lighter skin than my siblings) people from my own culture even dismiss me. It can feel isolating when your whole identity doesn’t feel validated.

Imagine you’ve been living at home with parents your whole life. Everyday when you come home, your family members are present and embrace you with their warmth and energy. A meal is already prepared, and all your dirty clothes have been magically cleaned, tidied and placed in your wardrobe. Then, one day, you return home but there is no one there. You don’t know what to eat for dinner, and everything is exactly where you left it this morning. There is no chatter, movements or just any sounds of human activity. Just you, remembering about the past and how you wish you could go back to a simpler time.

My feelings of loneliness started when I made the decision to move internationally to complete my undergraduate degree at the age of 17. Being an only child and having lost my father to brain cancer at 13 years old, it was a huge decision that prioritised my desire to balance my athletic and academic career whilst simultaneously overlooking the emotional turmoil that would accompany it. To put things into context, I had been exempted from attending school camps due to severe separation anxiety from my mother and was in the early stages of recovery from an eating disorder that developed from needing some level of control in an unstable world. So, making this transition across the world came with more hurdles that I could have ever pre-empted prior to landing.
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The initial stages were filled with novelty and excitement, but quickly culture shock and the reality of being thousands of miles away from my family, friends, and other members of my support network set in. I cried most days, battling with the long nights and constantly trying to coordinate any form of contact with the time differences that existed between my hometown and my new city in America. While I was part of the track team so had an immediate ‘family’ that I was welcomed into, I felt like I had no one external that could seek for a conversation to share my feelings open and honestly, nor a companion that wouldn’t report concerns of my well-being to my coach. I tried to get by utilising daily facetime calls with my mother however this quickly grew into a routine that failed fill the void of loneliness in an unfamiliar place. I had some good friends on the team, but we were majoring in different subjects, so I spent most of my days in lecture halls with 500 plus people never seeing the same face more than once. I dedicated my spare time to meticulously completing my homework but the feeling of being alone hung over my head like a cloud.
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This pattern of training, university and long periods of study continued until the first case of COVID-19 was detected. While this seem removed from me at the time, the pandemic quickly spread, and the restrictions of social isolation grew more real than the demons in my head. I was physically and emotionally restrained from being with others, which spiralled my mental health severely. Once the realisation set in that I would have no choice but to put myself in a vulnerable situation to make friends as visiting home was off the cards for the indefinite future, I started to make some inroads in broadening my overseas network of friends. By the end of my college degree, I had learned so many new skills, strengthened my personality traits and developed some lifelong friendships that I still hold onto today. However, like all good things they must end and once I had graduated, I had to return home and leave this new group of companions behind.

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It felt like I was starting all over again, my friends back in Australia had moved on since high school and I didn’t feel as though I belonged in any of the groups I was once a part of. Like déjà vu, I was back to feeling lonely and isolated in a once familiar place. This was devastating and really tested my resilience. Like before, I leant on my circle at work to broaden my group of friends, meeting new people and being open to different experiences. Quickly I felt like I was back home again and regained the support and emotionally stability I needed.
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This sense of security remained until I accepted a position interstate to complete my master’s postgraduate studies. I laboured over what the right decision was whether I should get up and move again or stay in a place that was familiar and safe. The thought of loneliness for a third time in such a short span of my life played a huge part in my decision for following the best pathway forward. Financially and careerwise moving to Sydney opened the most opportunities and positioned me favourably to progress in my studies. I thought I would be more prepared, that I had the skills necessary to manage the inevitable loneliness that would accompany the transition, but I didn’t. Each move has been different, associated with its own challenges and trying to tackle life’s hurdles without any form of support heightens normal feelings of isolation substantially. There have been many days I have sat alone, longing for my friends back home. Returning to my apartment after a long day of study, I am greeted with silence and the need to prepare dinner. Walking into my local shopping centre reminds me of the unfamiliarity of the stores. Seeing elderly people out for a morning coffee, gives me an empty sense of missing my grandparents. Even the lack of having a car instils a sense of being trapped and completely alone. While I have made friends and have people around me who I trust and can confide in, I have noticed that loneliness still infiltrates my daily life.

It’s a whale in the deep ocean with stars around it.
To me loneliness feels like the deep ocean, and the stars, they represent that you can see there is opportunity out there, but they feel so far away and you’re beneath the surface, and out of touch with everything around you?
You’re sure that others have these emotions, and you are not alone, but those possibilities feel so far away and its hard to connect with that, even though, you know they’re there.

Loneliness, to me, is when you feel alone in the world. Like no one can understand or relate to your struggles. Loneliness is not having a community or strong social circle to fall back on. Loneliness, to me, is feeling afraid and tired. Loneliness, to me, is falling into short-term escapisms. Many people go through this every day across the nation and globally. It is a growing issue amongst the youth, and with the lack of community amongst young people, it is more important than ever to foster a sense of comradery amongst young people.