We all belong here.

Loneliness means a lot of things to me. It means leaving — my family, my friends; it means exploration — when I have more time and energy to understand my feelings; it means boundaries — when I learn to know that there are lots of people I need to always keep a boundary with them when staying together; it means getting to know that there are so many things I can do with myself.

Here is my visual art which I created for Menzies Foundation. It is entitled the Power of One. It depicts loneliness in a positive light by enabling us to see the world afresh (as symbolised by the sunrise) and free from the physical distraction as symbolised by the detachment of the head from the body.

I still remember the first time I saw the sunset here. I needed to finish an assignment of observing things under the sunset for my undergrad first year course. I invited a friend to go with me to the St Kilda pier, we sat there, and I had to listen to him talk about his judgements and biases towards other peers because I was too scared to go alone, I didn't want to go there by myself, it seems too sad and pathetic to go there alone. But when I was there back then with him, ironically, I felt more alone. So dissociated that I wanted to escape.
Over the years I've grown my interest of watching sunsets, I seemed to feel used to watching it alone because I can bear the loneliness with only myself, but I couldn't bear it when others are around, it feels much worse.
I lived in a West-faced apartment with a big balcony in 2023 where I almost can see the sunset every day, no matter sunny or cloudy weather, I took photos of the sunset when I can remember and plan to make them into a video that represents this unique short period of time which I feel more lonely than ever, but the sunset actually helps, it's like a special remedy. It makes everything more hopeful, I gain the courage of staying with the feeling of loneliness through the few minute process.

Everyone is an isolated island. They have their colourful world in their islands (mind). The sea separates me & my family and friends, but it connects me and other islands as well. People are struggling in the sea, but connection will provide relief.

Transitioning from high school to university was very lonely for me. In high school, I already sometimes struggled with friendships. I had a few close friends but many of them were planning to move interstate for university, so I was excited to make more in university. Whenever I struggled with friendships in school, I would always be reassured that university was different. You’d be studying with people who chose the same course as you, so would be more similar and interested in the same things, and could also sit next to whoever you wanted unlike a classroom and hang out more than just afterschool. When I thought about the fun I’d have meeting new people who were more like me and having more time and freedom on my hands to hang out with them, I felt optimistic about the future.

‍
Graduating from high school was a huge transition. I no longer saw the friends I’d known for years and saw almost every day. Out of the few close ones I had, all but one moved interstate. I was happy for them. We called occasionally but not as much as I’d hoped to. When I got to university too, making friends was still difficult. Course units and timetables didn't always line up with other peoples which made it hard to see the same faces regularly. Sometimes I’d make friends, but they’d communicate and get closer on apps I didn’t use. Sometimes I’d make friends and it would go well for the semester and we’d have good chats during classes, but we’d fall out of contact after the semester finished. I didn’t feel like I had people I could connect with or rely on long term. This made me feel even more alone. My hopes of a better university experience were crushed.
‍

Sometimes, I didn't want to go to my tutorials. It made me anxious to walk into a room of strangers. I felt nervous and out of place. I liked university more than high school, but I missed the familiarity and comfort of my high school friends. Even people I wasn’t as close with in high school were at least familiar. The fear of not knowing anyone and the pressure to make new acquaintances each semester often made me want to just watch the lecture recordings at home, which only made me more isolated. COVID lockdowns were a whole other issue that magnified how isolated I was and made me feel so much worse. Eventually, I worked up the courage to join clubs at university and found one that was super welcoming. Finding friends who communicated on apps I used and trying to check in with my high school friends every now and then to keep a connection helped too.