We all belong here.

I drew this not long after moving to a new place to start University during COVID lockdowns. This picture represents some of the things that bring me happiness including nature, listening to music and reading.

I've lost my life raft and I've been sinking ever since, further and further down into the dark blue deep.
A lonely place of seclusion, too far to see into the distance
I've had to pull myself up, time and time again
Here I tread, though don't seem to float
Somedays I can see the light, but it seems to be quickly swallowed again.
Teasing me from above, I long to break the surface
Swap the emptiness for connection
Grief for peace
Darkness for light
I do know it's out there, somewhere in the future, at least that's all I can hope for...

It was a dream I had
In between mountains
I feel held and grateful to exist
Pink mountains are glorious
Enjoy the moments of loneliness.

Seconds feel like hours
Hours feel like days

Slowly

Afraid of the horizon
Forced to change

Gently

Stumbling in the dark on the path less traveled
Will I be okay?

Plath said“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.”

And maybe its melodramatic but, how can I not feel like that.
I live fortunate enough attend university and shape my future the way I want. There is so much optimism placed on the ‘young’. But the feeling of all those options, all those figs, its crushing.
Heavier than any other responsibility.
My life.
When I graduate what jobs will I choose to do? Where will my life go?
I was promised all these opportunities but why does everyone else’s seem so much more real?
Like their life is headed exactly where they planned and I’m just trying to catch up.
When I look out on my fig tree, I see it all within sight, but I’m not grounded enough within my life to reach and grab it all. First, I had to learn a new city, then a series of new homes. If my mental energy is taken up with constantly looking at where my feet are standing, when will I look up at my tree again.