We all belong here.

Mountains to escape loneliness?
I go to the mountains to escape the constant reminders you’re away
Instead I feel the emptiness more than ever
I watch the trees swaying, the peacefulness I long to feel… feels like emptiness

The landscape is so raw, an accurate description of me right now

I wish you were here with me
You’re the missing piece

I drive through the night to my campsite, your voice cutting in and out on call is what gets me through
Keeps me calm
You tell me I’m getting closer to you
Yet I’m still thousands of kilometres away
The number doesn’t matter though
You’re far enough away I can’t see you’re glowing eyes as you tell stories
Your face as you make me laugh
I cannot touch your warm hands which calm me instantly
I cannot feel the warmth of your hugs
Instead I bunch up in a ball in my sleeping bag in an attempt to stay warm
No matter how many layers I put on, the cold from your absence cannot be warmed
I countdown the days until you’re home
Worried about the person I will be by then
I take photos of my friends smiles to cover the fact mine is absent
I watch the heavy, grey clouds as they pass over
I notice how quickly they move
I cannot help but wish time moved the same

This is a monologue audio
It's about my youth group which really helped with social issues of moving primary school, tutoring, viet school, high school etc cause no matter that you finish school, what school you go or went to, that I got bullied at school, the same group of friends come to temple on Sundays.

I've been there since 2017, when I was in year 7, I graduated school in 2022, my support network at temple lasted more than most friendships and connections at high school cause I left high school but not my temple

I moved here in 2023 for university. It had always been a childhood dream to travel overseas for my study, so loneliness was not a concern I had at all. Somehow it still crept up in ways other than simple homesickness. I've been doing better this year.

On my loneliness

it's not the absence of people – of that i am sure. i have always been the one who leaves but i'm disappointed when no one knows who i am. i'm eighteen and i do the whole teenage routine: chop my hair, fly over oceans, rearrange myself to seek out the kind of love i want. Eldest daughter tired of looking after everyone else, blessed victim, cursed god, whatever complex you want. one of the millions of this same exact story. no,

loneliness is not the absence of people.loneliness is the absence of one person. i find myself looking for you everywhere i go. Standing in crowds, spotlight beams, thinking you'd have something to say about this. i'm twenty and I feel like the most difficult thing in the world to understand. you made it look so easy but no one seems to be able to replicate it. i'm scared no one ever will again.

except i'm just twenty one. every year feels like i've aged a decade but there will be morecrowds, more spotlight beams and i'll cut my hair a hundred more times. someone will see me – actually see me – again; new lover or new friend or the bartender at the jazz club. i think i grew into childhood's optimism many of my friends lost but is that a bad thing? i wasted too much of childhood being lonely to do so again in my twenties.

An interpretation of the quiet resilience required to hold yourself together, of reaching for your own hand in moments of hardship or everyday stress. Even with a strong support network, we remain the only constant presence in our own lives, the ones who must always show up for ourselves.

One of the reasons why I’m afraid of growing up
Is when I’ll forget how to spell your name
Or when our interactions are only memories
That can never ever be re-enact

They forgot to tell us;
Or maybe, they wanted to spare us the pain
But they never told us; how odd it is
To go from ‘seeing everyone everyday’
To ‘never seeing anyone anymore’

To wake up one day and realise that everyone is growing,
Into someone I don’t know
Probably someone I’ll never know

To have them smile and cry with others
But not me
Not with me anymore

Then to see myself moving away
From what I knew
From what I was
Cause I grew
And they also grew

Why didn’t the adults ever warn us;
That growing up was this heavy on our hearts.